


The Study Hall Stream of Anti-Consciousness

by EcoFridge



Category: Homestuck, Keith Voltron - Fandom, Original Work
Genre: A bit of gore, Crack, F/M, M/M, Multi, more crack, odd humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-14 13:25:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18477130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EcoFridge/pseuds/EcoFridge
Summary: A long shitpost In which I opted to pass the time in study hall by writing whatever came to my head first, instead of doing homework, which resulted in the bad crack fiction in the back of my French book. Pure silliness, pure stream of consciousness, my basic thought process throughout the beginning of this school year, and I give it all to you. It’s not very long.Absolutely no effort was put into this.





	The Study Hall Stream of Anti-Consciousness

“It’s been a while,” said Kanaya.

“Uh, yeah,” Karkat began, “IT HAS.”

“You must excuse me for my abrupt entrance,” she said, “we came on a whim.”

“A WHIM, EH?” Screamed Karkat.

“Yes,” She said, “yes I think that’s what I said.”

“IS THAT SO.”

“Karkat,” She said, “are you alright?”

“WHY YES,” he bellowed, “I DO BELIEVE I AM JUST FINE.”

“You are shouting louder than usual.” She said.

“AM I?!?!?!?!?!”

“Yes, I think so.”

“WELL GOSH GOLLY!!!” He then tore out his own vocal chords and threw them across the room.

“Oh my,” said Kanaya, “it would seem you may be unable to speak now.”

Karkat wheezed and coughed on the ground.

“Shall I rush you to the human hospital now?” She said.

Karkat writhed.

“I will take that,” she said, “as a yes.”

**~At Le Hospital~**  

The equipment beeped. It buzzed. It hummed. But Karkat could not make a sound. Not a peep or a whimper. He lie sleeping in a Hospital bed. Dave sat next to him, and next to Dave sat Jade. Their hands intertwined as they gazed at their lovers poor decisions. The consequences for his actions were grave indeed. What, have you, what, could any trio as fair as thee hath doneth to deserve such grim fate? Hark! However, the lady divine speaks! Hear now her fine words and let thine ears be blessed.

“Karkat,” She said, “you motherfucker, wake up.”

Karkat did not respond, as the clutches of sleep grasped him so.

“Karkat!” Her voice rose, “wake up!”   
Even with the addition of shout poles, he did not respond to her divine command. Dave held her hand a smidge tighter, a touch closer.

“Jade,” his voice was soothing and painted with despair, “it’s no use, he’s out cold. Motherfucker’s down for the count in this crib.”

Woe is the sad fate that hath fallen upon thine divine trio, woe! But wait! Hold thine horses! A twist in fate! An abrupt turn in the plot! A sudden change!!!

“ABLFDGNHWDMGLFAH!!!” Karkat Screamed, sitting up in shock. Woke! Woke is thee!!! He wakes!

“Karkat!” Exclaimed the divine lady, “you’re awake!”

“UH, YEAH,” Karkat at last responded, “IT WOULD SEEM SO.”

Dave sniffed, tears streaming down his face. “I thought we had lost you.”

“I LIVED, BINCH.”

~ _Fin_ ~

_**Episode Two:  
The Pire Emp Striketh Back** _

“Here Ye!” Cried the raven-haired man, “Hear Ye!!”

“WHAT!!!” Said Karkat.

“There’s been a break-in!!” The Raven Cried, “There’s been a-“

Lo betwixed a man appeareth! He intervenes: “A break _through_!” Says the appearifying man, dressed in red. This man's name is Keith Voltron.

“Excuse me???” Cried the Raven, “have I misspoken?”

“Yea man!” Said Keith Voltron, “There’s been a breakthrough!” As Keith spoke, he and Dave Homestuck carted out a large crate of uncertain contents. They were both wearing lab coats.

“I don’t think that’s right,” the Raven was crying, “not right at all. There was a break-in!”

“Nah, Nah!” Said Dave, “A break _through_!”

“A _Scientific_ breakthrough!” Keith confirmed.

The Raven was left to cry quietly as the two lab-coat-clad red edgy characters fled with their crate of uncertain contents.

“WHAT??!!!” Said Karkat.

~~~~~~~

Dave, Karkat and Keith sat around a table.

“So,” said Keith, “we stole rocket fuel, now what?”

“Now,” said Jade, emerging from the shadows, “we use it to fly.”

“Fly where?” Said Dave.

“WITH WHAT?” Said Karkat.

“Good questions!” Jade beamed, clasping her hands together, “I’ve built a Rocket!”

“IS THAT SO?”

“Why yes!” Jade did a little jig. “It’s in the basement.”

“The basement?” Said Keith.

“Yes,” Jade nodded, “The Basement™.”

“WELL,” Karkat stood, “WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR?”

“An explanation.” Said Dave.

“ **LETS GO TO SPACE!!!** ”

“hm.” Said Keith Voltron suspiciously.

And then, suddenly, a stampede of sweaty shirtless boys appeared from over the top of the hill and ran over everything. At that moment, every one of Dave’s gay genes awoke from their slumber and screamed at the morning sun. They lied in the carnage of the stampede and wept.

“I AM A WRITER!!!” Karkat Declared, from his place in the rubble.

“That’s nice.” Said Keith Voltron.

~ _Fin_ ~

**_Episode Tres(3)~  
Whoms’t in the Got Dank_ **

“This is Major Tom to ground control,” said Major Tom to ground control, “I’m stepping through the door.”

“This is ground control to Major Tom,” said ground control to Major Tom, “Your circuit's dead, there’s something wrong,”

“I’m floating in a most peculiar way,” said Major Tom.

“Can you hear me Major Tom?”

“Tell my wife I love her very much” said Major Tom.

“She knows.” Said his wife, from ground control, who he could not hear.

And then Major Tom was sucked into a black hole.

~~~

Dave Homestuck sat and pondered. “Where is my mother?” He said, wondering aloud.

“Donno,” said Jade, who was flipping switches and starting up the rockets. “Maybe you could find out with a DNA test.”

“A DNA test…” echoed Dave.

“YES, DAVE,” Karkat growled, “A DNA TEST.” His growl was exciting to Dave.

“I see,” said Dave, “I see.”

“Y’all,” said Keith, “we’ve got a problem.”

“And what,” Jade turned to Keith, “is the problem?”

Keith was furrowing his brow edgily at the monitors in the spaceship. “We’ve got another passenger.”

“I see,” said Dave, “I see.”

“WELL WHO ARE THEY?” Karkat said to Keith.

“I donno,” Keith replied, “let’s find out.”

They all stormed down the stairs of the rocket to find out who the new guy was. When they got to the living room, they found this dude. He was very guy. Very.

“This is Major Tom,” said Major Tom, “I’ve lost my ground control. I think I fell through a black hole?”

“HMM,” Karkat glared at him with suspicion, “IS THAT SO.”

“Yes I think that’s right.” Major Tom stood and held out his hand, “Pleasure to meet you!”

“MY NAME IS KARKAT VANTAS,” Karkat shook Tom’s hand aggressively, “I-“

“ ‘s got dat mf’n Vantass 100% A+ woohoo.” Dave interrupted calmly. “The A in Vant stands for more ass.”

“DAVE STOP BEING HORNY!” Karkat turned back to Major Tom, “MY NAME IS KARKAT VANTAS, AND I *WILL* DIE FOR MY FRIENDS. DO NOT TAKE THIS LIGHTLY.”

“Nice to know.” Said Major Tom.

“My name,” Jade said, “is Jade. I am the engineer, rocket scientist, Pilot, commander, deputy, crew, cast, ground control, CapCom, physisysist, weatherman, and commander of this ship!” She gave the wall a solid pat for emphasis. “Everyone else is just passengers.”

“What about the co-pilot?” Asked Major Tom.

“That would be the Mayor.” Jade pointed to the Mayor, who has been here the whole time. Watching. Listening.

“I see,” said Major Tom, “I see.”

“TO THE **STARS**!!!” Said Karkat.

~ _Fin_ ~

**_Episode Four:  
To Where the Moon Sways_** 

“Hey Jade,” Dave said, “where are we going, anyway?”

“To Where The Moon Sways!” Said Jade, a bright smile on her face.

“Alright cool that totally cleared that up I know exactly what’s going on now.” Dave lied back and planked on the floor.

“How long can we keep doing this???” Keith Voltron Cried, “How long???”

“I KNOW WHAT WILL HELP!” Karkat jumped up onto a table. “ROMANCE!!!”

“Oh, god,” Dave pressed his palms to his eyes, over his shades, “I’m gonna commit a suicide.”

“I think Karkat is on to something!” Jade cheered, “It is going to take us a while to reach The Place Where the Moon Sways, and maybe this could be a fun way to pass the time!”

Keith looked at Dave with his eyebrows raised and lips pressed into a fine line.

“Uh,” said Major Tom, “excuse me,” he braided his long golden hair nervously, “but what exactly does ‘romance’ imply?”

Karkat looked at Major Tom with a fire in his eyes, a passion deep in his soul, and a flare in his grim shark-tooth smile. Dave wished Karkat would look at him like that. “I WOULD BE DELIGHTED,” he said, “TO GIVE YOU A DEMONSTRATIO

“Alright alright,” Dave chimed in, “I will deign to watch some shitty rom-coms with you if it means I get some of that A+ Juicy Vantass.”

“I’ll make the popcorn! :D” said Jade.

“I’ll help.” Said Keith.

“Uh,,” said Major Tom.

“...” said the Mayor, who was watching. Listening.

~ _le Intermission~  
**~L’entracte~**_

“Oh, Romeo,” said the fair gaiden, “there art thou Romeo!”

“Bromeo, Bromeo, here art thou homeo!” Romeo tore his shirt off and cried.

Suddenly, a flock of geese approached. They said they want their typewriters back.

“You want what.” Bromeo said, confused.

The geese swarmed overhead. “We demand to have our typewriters back.” They chanted in unison.

“We do not have your typewriters!” Romeo ran his hands through his hair dramatically and bellowed.

“Then you have left us with no choice,” the geese buzzed furiously, “We must delete you.”

Romeo turned to Bromeo and tore his pants off. “Bromeo!” He Cried, “join me, together we can defeat these menacing clouds of geese!”

“I’m sorry,” Bromeo shed a tear as he spoke, “but this just isn’t going to work between us.”

“What???” Romeo did another dramatic gesture.

“Our Typewriters,” the geese screeched, “give them to us, or PERISH.”

Bromeo turned to the swarm of geese with tears streaming down his face. “Guess I’ll die.” He said.

“Bromeo no!!!” Romeo had no clothes left to tear off, so he began removing his skin.

“It’s not you,” Bromeo sang, “it’s me.”

“Just tell me what I did wrong!!” Romeo clawed off his flesh with disparity.

Then the swarm of geese closed in around Bromeo like a tornado, and when they lifted, not even his bones were left.

“Bromeo!!!” Romeo then drank poison and died of blood loss.

~ _Fin le intermission_ ~

“Can I just say,” Major Tom began, “what the literal hell.” The credits on the TV rolled.

The Mayor watched. The Mayor listened.

“That’s just how it be sometimes you know?” Dave said as he laid back and cuddled Karkat.

“I’LL ADMIT, THIS WASN’T MY BEST PICK.” Karkat casually gripped Dave’s glutes, “BUT IT WASN’T BAD FOR A TRAGEDY.”

“You have the best taste in movies babe.” Dave kissed Karkat on the forehead.

“The movie was terrible,” said Keith, who was salty because nobody would cuddle with him and he was touch-starved as heck. “This is stupid.”

“I felt like that ending was a little unnecessary,” Jade said as she switched the TV off, “but the special effects were great!”

“Those weren’t special effects.” Whispered something shulking in the dark corner.

“So realistic looking!” Jade made hard, intentional eye-contact with Dave before joining them in the cuddle pile.

Keith frowned and crossed his arms.

“Hm,” Major Tom flicked his long golden hair somewhat flirtatiously. “Keith, if you want to cuddle, just ask.” He winked at the crimson to black Paladin. “I’ve got you covered.”

Jade whistled and whooped, and then made out with her boyfriends. Keith begrudgingly cuddled with Major Tom.

~ _Le Fin_ ~ 


End file.
